every girl deserves a nanna like you

I woke up this morning and after I fed the ravenous beast we call our cat, I logged into Facebook- and this picture popped up. I guess pregnancy hormones combined with my baby shower today are really making me miss you.

For anyone who doesn't know, the woman pictured above is my Nanna. The girl squealing in her lap is me, probably 15 years ago maybe.

I was 16 when she passed away. Up until that point, I figured she was invincible.  People say that about their parents- which I don't doubt mine are- but I always had that thought about her too. My Nanna was just always there. And then she wasn't. I had a hard, hard time dealing with her passing. Milestone events came and passed and I knew she wouldn't be there, but I looked anyway. I remember looking for both her and my husband (who was in basic at the time) in the crowd, knowing that no miracle could bring her to me that day.

But dwelling on all of this isn't what she would have wanted. My Nanna was a fun, generous and all around amazing human being. She had a way of lighting up a room and bringing you in with her. That smile on her face, the way she smiled around me and my brother, was so genuine and beautiful. I know for a fact she would have smiled just like at my graduations, wedding, and news of her first great granddaughter.

Serafina is blessed, so blessed. She isn't here and already has grandparents AND great grandparents who love her. Each one of these special people in her life will be just as amazing to her as my Nanna was to me. Maybe that's a gift from my Nanna- blessing my daughter with all this love, having all these amazing people in her life who will help shape her into a good person. I know as I become a mom, she will be right by my side, in all the memories we shared together. I was blessed to have her in my life as long as I did, but even more blessed to take away the things I learned with her. Love you always.

germany 101

                                  ignoring the blood of his brother's on the butcher's smock, pig has a beer.

i realized earlier this morning i've lived here in germany for almost five months. it's weird, most of the time i forget i'm in germany. it kinda just feels like up north with thick accents. but i thought i'd make a post with all the fun differences in germany.

• there are no such things as a walmart. yes, there are stores similar to walmart, but there is no walmart. this might seem stupid, but believe me- when you are trying to shop on the cheap, you grow to miss walmart and the dysfunctional people who frequent it.
• everything closes on sunday. sunday is a day of rest. germans take this seriously, so i hope you bought TP the day before because you're SOL on sunday. everything usually closes earlier during the week too, so that's different
• bakeries everywhhhhhhhhhhere. pasteries everyyyyyyyywhere. GELATO EVERYWHERE. it's not a bad trade off for the no walmart deal.
• music is stuck in a weird twilight zone of the eighties/seventies, plus it's in german so it's really strange. it does provide a good laugh every now and then.
• you gotta pay to pee! public restrooms are not free. it can be anywhere from .50 to 1 euro to pee. sometimes you get the euro back, sometimes not. you also have to pay for shopping carts a lot of the time.
• festivals are all the time. these involve brats, crepes, and more yum yums
• autobahn isn't as scary as people make it out to be- as long as you realize grandma will pass you. grandma is not afraid to push it to the limit.
• i'm not sure when kids actually go to school at the german schools here. i've been out in the economy during the afternoon and kids are out of school, off busses by noon...i have no idea. maybe it's a german thing
• you end up chalking up a lot of things to it being "a german thing"

all in all, it's not too bad. the best part of all of this is that i get to experience it with my best friend, my husband. the best partner in crime i could ask for, it's an adventure always with my other half.

ohana means family!

At the end of this week, my tiny daughter human bean face will be 20 weeks old. and if you know basic math and the basic gestation period of a human, you'd realize that i will be halfway through my pregnancy. excuse me while i scream in excitement. don't get me wrong- i love growing my daughter because the eventual outcome will be her in my arms and my life. BUT i cannot deal with the joys of pregnancy. bloat, constipation, mood swings (this is Dane's favorite.), aversion towards foods (another of his favorites...i make dinner time a real event), all that "joy" can kindly make it's way to my ass and kiss it. However, I have a half cooked daughter, and now I am starting to becoming anxious about her arrival.

i feel like a kid on christmas a lot of the time. there is SO much i want to show her, share with her, do with her.  everytime i go on pintrest, i find tons of projects i want to craft with her, to make for her. i want her to be comfortable being covered in paint, to enjoy sticky fingers and to always create.

i want her to know the rainbow goblins like my husband, and to meet the weird parents like i did (she's going to end up with them, anyway- at least her mother will be ;)). i will show her david the gnome like my grandparents let me watch, and definitely let her watch shelley duvall's bedtime stories. yes, i am planning on let my daughter watch TV, and i'm sorry if you think it's bad for her. she won't be parked in front of it all day, but she can learn to enjoy different programs (that apparently are all from the nineties...only decade worth a damn to me.)

i know her dad will teach her how to be comfortable with the outdoors, to learn to respect and love nature. we will both teach her that Tolkien is a apart of her family, and he needs to be treated with love and respect, too. As for Tolkien, i hope he just deals with her being here and doesn't give more care than that. i'm not asking for them to be bff, but just to live with each other.

anyway, before this gets too long- i want her to know she is being born into a wonderful, amazing, crazy full of love family that isn't just me, Dane and Tolkien- it's great grandparents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, godparents. even if everything else I want for her is lame in her eyes, i hope she knows how magical her life will be, just because of all the love that fills it.

and that's all for now...t-minus 20 months weeks till the birth of my little girl- and the end of pregnancy!

oh my life is changing every day, in every possible way.

                                                                you're a dream to me, a dream to me.

 in less than a year i went from student to wife to now mom to be. the universe thought it'd be okay for me to be in charge of growing a person, bringing it into the world, and raising it. if that isn't a leap of faith, i don't know what is. so i'm going to run with it, and be the best momma i can be.

i have no idea what it's like to be a mother, but i do know what it's like to be a girl growing up. things aren't easy for girls, estrogen makes the world a little harder and by default girls are just not a nicer sex. don't deny it, we all have those shitty catty woman moments. none the less, i want my daughter to know this:

my serafina luna grace (sorry about the obnoxiously long name, that's just how we do it here at the schliefs.)

no matter what, i will always, always love you. that goes for your father, too. i will encourage you to be whatever your heart decides, even if it means being a mermaid. we'll figure it out. if you decide to be a circus performer or the scientist with the cure for cancer, i don't care- as long as you do it 100% and go home feeling good about yourself.  nothing will change that, from the moment i found out you were taking residence in my uterus, i have been filled with nothing but love for you.

don't worry about living up to standards- your dad and i have one- be a good human being. do that, and the rest will come.  if you want to play with dolls or cars, i don't care. i want you to grow into you as a person, not as who society thinks you should be. if you want to being a superhero or a princess, do it to your hearts content. don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and if they do, send them my way.

as your mother, i will do my best to give you the world, and remember, not all the time i'll be able to. but when i can, i'll go all out for you. i am already planning trips, birthday parties and holidays for you in my head, there is so much i want to share with you, baby girl.

don't let other people get to you. i know it's easier said than done, i've been the girl who's been picked on. i know you'll come home to me one day in tears because someone's hurt you, made fun of you. and i will pick you up in my arms and do whatever it takes to show you otherwise. and i'll also hold back all the mean things i want to say to the kids at school. you will be beautiful, inside and out, i know this because you are OURS.

your dad and i don't make sense a lot of time, but we have a good time doing it. go with the flow and it'll be more fun that way. laugh with us, sing with us, dance with us. we love each other so much, we want you to see that daily, to know what love is in a happy home. you may not agree with us all the time, but we have both promised to do the best by you, and make it a priority in both our lives as your parents.

and not least, know that we love you more than anything. our first child, our first daughter- you are special, and you will come into this world with two parents overflowing with love for you. and not to mention, you have so many grandparents, great grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, godparents and friends who you've already made a place in their hearts, and have fallen for you just like dad and i. we can't wait to meet you, baby girl. you have a lifetime of love to look forward to.

and remember, i am always loving you.
momma.

Know you're not alone; cause I'm gonna make this place your home.

there isn't a song on the radio right now, German or American that explains life for me better than Home by Phillip Phillips. Seriously, check that out.

So by now I think everyone's realized i made it to Germany and am finally reunited with Dane. It wasn't a long flight by any means and honestly I shouldn't have been as worried as I was over everything- but that's how I am: constantly paranoid. ANYWAY-

This is wonderful. My apartment is gorgeous. Dane really, really did well. And he deserves SO much credit. He was able to do all of this, give me all of this as a husband does for a wife, and do so much more. A lot of the times I had doubt in him because well, if you met him or know him you know details are not his strong suit.

not anymore. He's done amazing. He got this apartment, he is getting our car this week and obviously set up a phone line and Internet for us. My husband is seriously the best I could ask for.

As for Germany: this place is where fairy tales come from. Literally. It's gorgeous. Dane says it reminds him of northern Michigan. We live in the country so pretty much everything is like the sound of music here.

Shall I continue or is your jealousy just eating away at you?

Hahah. It's really nice though. We have been out a handful of times since I got here and everything is so similar yet so very different. Baked goods are everywhere and out of this world. Chocolate is something else too- I got so excited over my first Kinderegg !

There's so much more to write for you all but I'm writing from my iPad right now and I'd rather show you- so expect
pictures soon.

I love you, I miss you, and until I write again-
mrs s.

home is wherever i'm with you.

here, have a playboy esque shot of my husband on our new bed.

So if you've been in the loop, you know that our lives are changing very, very quickly. I *finally* was granted command sponsorship, meaning that we could go get our home and get my patoot to Germany. We lucked out: Dane was able to find us a amazing apartment on base! 

He did good. I sing the praises of my husband a lot, but oh my goodness. Picture text after text this morning, I was totally stunned by the place. Spacious, and lots of light! We have two bedrooms, one of which we'll convert to a office. The kitchen is super cute, and we have new appliances...someone was looking out for us. And, if you know me in the slightest- I'm already making lists of things I want to fill our apartment with! Dane has already agreed to  a Ikea trip...sightseeing AND Ikea?! Lucky, lucky girl.

It really hasn't hit me that I'll be in Germany a week from today. I'm so wound up in finishing things here that I haven't had the chance to really take it in. I'm nervous, excited, and beyond ready to begin my life as Mrs. Schlief with Mr. Schlief close by.

We both want to thank everyone who has supported us both during this crazy journey. We both rely so heavily on our family and friends for support, and we're so blessed to have so many amazing people in our lives. for everyone thats busted their butts in helping us get together again, from the bottom of both our hearts- Thank You.  We are beyond blessed for all of you in our lives.

love,

hannah.

love is patient, love is kind.

Patience is something I've always struggled with, before marriage even. I just can't wait to save my life. My parents are patient people, and my brother's pretty laid back so I have no idea where it comes from. Maybe it's me being an American and always wanting instant gratification. I'm going to go with that.

Patience and time has been on my mind lately. The other day i realized that out of the 9 months we've had in 2012, I've spent maybe a total of 3 full ones with Dane. 6 months apart. when you've spent nearly everyday for almost 2 years together, 6 months is a particularly long time. i am so used to knowing what he's doing, where he's at,  who he's with. But during this year, he's done so much without me. i don't understand a lot of what he does with the army. He'll explain it to me, but i can't really explain it and understand it. It was easier when he was working at the home- he snaked toilets, repaired screen doors, and helped little old ladies. I've tried looking online, at maps to see where these cities he tells me about are, but again- I'm not there, I can't visualize it or understand. The closest I get is with pictures. I'm so used to his only friend being Fish, but now he's met so many people that I can't get names straight.

Now, don't get me wrong: as Dane's wife, I am loving all of this. I am so excited that my husband is doing something he enjoys, exploring Europe, and making friends. A wife couldn't ask more for her husband. But, I want to be there to do these things with him.

If you ask Dane, he'll say the same. He misses being apart of everyone's daily life. He misses going to his mom's on Sundays, seeing Alex grow up, being at his dad's with Loki. He misses everyone and being apart of their lives. So many people looked to Dane- he's dependable, helpful, and a good person to have on your side. It's surreal for all of us not having him here. I had such a weird first months without him, not having him by my side Dane is not only my husband, but my superhero.

So here's where my impatience comes into play. I have had a hard time lately with the wait to get to Germany. There is a ton of paperwork involved, lots of waiting in offices, lots of signatures.  I got bummed because I am so ready to be back in my husband's life. To understand what he's talking about work wise, to visit these places with him, to meet his friends. I want to be an active part of his life again.

But here's where it comes into perspective: I was at Kirstie's (my amazing mother in law, I'm so serious) today and she told me she really misses Dane. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'll get there eventually, that these six months will just be that- six months, nothing in comparison to the years we'll have in Europe together. But there's people in Dane's family- like Alex for example- that won't have that luxury. Alex won't get to see Dane everyday, and vice versa. I'm so fortunate. I will be able to spend everyday with Dane, and grow with him.

So love IS patient. To be a good wife, a kind wife, and a PATIENT wife, it comes with accepting that it will happen when it happens. To not just let these last few weeks pass by, to truly cherish all the time I have with my amazing family. Because patience will make the days go by, and we will be together soon, in Germany, living for real as husband and wife!

auf wiedersehen,
mrs s.